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5 Chapter Five: Don't let the shadows of others discourage you

We spend so much of our lives comparing ourselves to others. Research on social media, for instance, links Facebook use with depression caused by thinking everyone else is having more fun and doing better than you are. Other research indicates that people feel less satisfied with their appearance after comparing themselves to pictures of other people (which they see constantly). It is well known that the holidays are filled with great sadness for many people specifically because they think everyone else is having a “real” Christmas.

This is, of course, nothing new. It’s about envy and creating expectations based on what you see around you instead of what you see inside. It’s about loving your neighbor as yourself from a different perspective. Instead of the usual focus on your neighbor, it’s about you. You will have a hard time loving and accepting yourself if you are constantly comparing yourself to others. There will always be someone faster, smarter, stronger, better looking, more popular…. Don’t get me wrong—friendly competition can be mutually beneficial. But unless you are able to celebrate the gifts and successes of others authentically and whole-heartedly, without considering their relation to your gifts and successes, you will have a hard time loving them and a hard time finding, developing, and celebrating your own gifts.

It does not matter who your father is. It does not matter who your mother is. It does not matter who your sister or brother is. It does not matter who your uncle, aunt, cousin, friend, whatever is. As hard as it may be, you need to get out of the shadows any of them cast—perhaps even physically removing yourself for a time if necessary—to honestly understand and determinedly develop your own identity and gifts—and the responsibilities that come with them.

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