Skip to main content

25 CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE: Don’t drink the poison

The desire for revenge seems so innate and natural. It’s scary, because it can so easily escalate, and even if exacted proportionally, as Gandhi pointed out, “An eye for an eye will make the whole world blind.” Societies embracing the practice of revenge will continually harm themselves (think Hatfields and McCoys). Even holding on to anger harms us—we’ve probably all heard some version of the teaching expressed by Nelson Mandela, “Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.”

And yet it can be so hard to let go, to forgive. The importance of forgiveness is taught by all major religions in the world—and also by modern psychology. But that doesn’t make it any easier.

Or less complicated. Psychologists counsel that forgiving is the releasing of negative feeling, but doesn’t mean condoning or excusing offenses, or that, if those behaviors persist, reconciliation is always healthy and advisable. As Pastor and educator Voddie Baucham put it, “Forgiveness does not mean one forgets the offense, but in spite of the memory, one erases the debt.”

That may sound easy, but at any point we might find that something has triggered us into dwelling on the debt yet again. Forgiveness is not “one and done,” but a lifetime commitment that can challenge us every day.

Building on its foundation in Judaism and the Old Testament, forgiveness is central to Christian teaching. Jesus granted forgiveness to everyone he healed, as well as others, including, most notably, those killing him. Focusing on God’s forgiveness as the source, Jesus taught the necessity of granting forgiveness to others in turn. His disciples were told they needed to “turn the other cheek,” love their enemies (including specific enemies, like the Samaritans), and forgive “seventy times seven” times. He taught preemptive forgiveness, granting it to the woman about the be stoned and others without them even asking for it. His teaching and the words of the Lord’s Prayer taught that we would be forgiven as we forgive others, with him saying, (in Matthew 6:14-15) “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”

That’s a lot to ask, but it’s necessary if we are to develop the relationship of love (even from afar if the relationship is harmful) God calls us to with every person. There are many, many writings and resources to help develop a mindset and practice of forgiveness. Among them, Timothy Keller’s book, Forgive is thoughtful and valuable, and The Shack by William Young, is a challenging and comforting novel exploring forgiveness, which has been helpful to many. But there are lots of others you can find if you look.

The most important thing is to recognize where you are holding onto resentment and failing to forgive and then look for ways to let go. It’s in your best interest and everyone else’s.



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular Posts

Preface

Before Tom Cruise, Matt Damon, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and even Clint Eastwood, there was John Wayne. The iconic action hero of my youth, “The Duke”, as he was sometimes called, was famous for fighting, shooting, and tough-talking his way through every movie to protect the abused and vanquish the bad guys, wherever they were. To me, his characters seemed a source of stability on which I could build my sense of right and wrong. I loved going to movies to see the most recent John Wayne film, and believed that anything John Wayne did was, by definition, good. He was a role model to me. And then an unsettling thing happened. There, in one of my favorite movies, The Duke was driving while clearly intoxicated. This was before MADD and SADD and national sensitivity to the dangers of drunk driving, but my awareness of the issue had been raised when someone very dear to me had almost been killed by a drunk driver. When that accident happened, I remember wondering why someone would risk lives—t...
Post a Comment
Read more

29 CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE: Don’t be tricked into singing along with lyrics just because the melody is good

It’s hard to understand the emotional effect of music—how soothing, relaxing, uplifting, terrifying, or electrifying a good tune can be. It is scary, however, how easy it is to sing along with virtually any lyrics if the tune is stuck in your head. I always try to understand song lyrics, get their message, and think about why the author wrote them—and often I conclude that the message and motive are inconsistent with my beliefs and perhaps dangerous. And yet, I regularly catch myself humming or playing the tune of such a song in my head, with the lyrics floating along either in my brain or on my lips. While music’s effect may be singular, other things can have similar effects: something or someone of great beauty, an eloquent essay or speaker, a good story or movie, and even a friend. Anything that causes you to let your guard down can have this power. You must be aware of it all of the time. Let me explain why I think it is dangerous to just “sing along” without thinking about t...
Post a Comment
Read more

36 CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX “To will one thing”: Section 8

The Struggle of finding and holding onto Faith The struggle in finding and holding faith seems to me natural, and perhaps healthy and necessary if it is to be your own. It also seems common: there many, many autobiographies of people who struggled and then found faith, but a few that I have found helpful are: •          Surprised by Joy by C.S. Lewis and the play and movie, “The Most Reluctant Convert” about his journey to faith •          Seven Story Mountain by Thomas Merton •          Confessions by Augustine of Hippo, •          A Man Called Peter by Catherine Marshall , and •          The Language of God by Francis Collins. I Did It For You , by Lecrae gives his story in the form of a song. There are also tons of books on faith and belief, especially in relation to reaso...
Post a Comment
Read more