There seems to be a growing tendency in our world to shout down or somehow shut off those who disagree with us, and I expect we all have the desire to do that at times. Sometimes it’s done by protesting so loudly that we drown out the voice of the other. Sometimes it’s done by physically intimidating or even assaulting the other. Sometimes we misrepresent what the other is saying, either intentionally (so we can make it sound silly) or unintentionally (because we didn’t take the time to understand them), and then argue against that misrepresentation. Sometimes we wish we could just shut them down legally—though the Supreme Court has repeatedly confirmed the protection of the freedom of speech—even hate speech—saying,
Speech that demeans on the basis of race, ethnicity, gender, religion, age, disability, or any other similar ground is hateful; but the proudest boast of our free speech jurisprudence is that we protect the freedom to express “the thought that we hate.”
Also adding,
…our reliance must be on the substantial safeguards of free and open discussion in a democratic society.
That seems abhorrent, but it echoes a 90-year-old opinion by
Supreme Court Justice Brandeis that “the remedy to be applied (to falsehood and
fallacies) is more speech, not enforced silence.” Still, it is hard to listen
to “the thought that we hate” and we wish we could shut it down instead of
dealing with it.
Then there is our tendency to be dismissive even if we are listening. We all know that all
members of any group do not think, talk, or act the same (the value of that is
discussed in the chapter on Diversity). Yet we tend to label people: Hispanics,
Muslims, men or women, Democrats or Republicans, tree huggers, deniers,
bleeding hearts,… We label them and their perspectives so we can dismiss them.
Following the age-old rhetorical slight-of-hand, we tend to make “straw men”
out of the positions of others so we can easily destroy them. Or we hold up the
bad actors in a group so we can dismiss all members and the group as a whole.
We easily forget that every group (police, clergy, teachers, Christians, Jews,
Muslims, men, women,—any group you can name) has members in it that don’t
represent the group well. Indeed, every person does things that don’t represent
that person well. If we continually focus on the bad examples, at least two bad
things will happen: One, it will be easier to vilify those groups or people;
and two, if all we hear about is the bad actors it will give all of us a sense
that everyone is that way—that that’s who we are as humanity—which is
depressing and demoralizing.
It seems like everywhere
we turn people are trying to win us to their side by tearing someone else down.
Somehow, instead of dwelling on, in the words of the Apostle Paul, “whatever is
true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is
lovely, whatever is admirable,” we live in a world where snarkiness, trolling,
and cynicism are celebrated. Why do we do this? How has this happened?
The negativity of what we
hear is at least in part driven by research that consistently indicates that we
engage more deeply and better remember negative information, and negative ads
are more attention-grabbing and remembered—meaning that newscasters and
advertisers tend toward negativity. And then social media has enabled all of us
to magnify this: people post nasty pictures and comments and receive virtual
“high-fives” and dramatic increases in “followers” for their efforts. Internet
trolls, those who make deliberately offensive or provocative online posts with
the aim of upsetting people or eliciting angry responses, are regularly lauded
for their wit and thereby build their celebrity. We are surrounded by
negativity and we tend to ignore and dismiss each other. St. Augustine captured
the situation then and now: “Bad times! Troublesome times! This men are
saying.” But he also suggested the solution: “Let our lives be good; and the
times are good. We make our times; such as we are, such are the times.”
The costs of negativity
are all around us. A psychological study reported in the Huffington Post
suggested that the suffocating media negativity “may have serious and
long-lasting psychological effects ,” contributing to stress, anxiety,
depression, and even PTSD. Indeed, though multiple factors are likely at work,
there is growing evidence that the nation is experiencing higher rates and
symptoms of depression. And then there is the well-documented cynicism of
Millenials, who have spent their adult lives exposed to this negativity—a Pew
Research Center study indicated that only 19% of millennials say people can
generally be trusted as compared to 30-40% of older adult Americans.
It is hard not to wonder how our current climate compares to
others in the nation’s history, most notably to the 1850’s. Clearly, that was a
time, to quote the official website of the US Senate, in which there was a
“breakdown of civil discourse,” which eventually led to the “catastrophe of the
civil war.”
We must do better than that. As someone who grew up in
Illinois, I naturally look to Lincoln for wisdom. In his first inaugural
address, given a month before the first battle of the Civil War at Fort Sumter,
Lincoln pleaded with the nation to remember that, “We must not be enemies.
Though passion may have strained it must not break our bonds of affection.”
Then he predicted that harmony would again be restored when the nation was
touched “by the better angels of our nature.”
As we know Lincoln’s pleading fell on deaf ears and tragedy
ensued. As that war drew to a close, Lincoln offered the conclusion of his
second inaugural address: “With malice toward none, with charity for all, … let
us strive … to do all which may achieve and cherish a just and lasting peace
among ourselves and with all nations.”
Somehow, we must find the voices like Lincoln’s—and we must
listen to them before we drive our world to catastrophe.
We must look for many, diverse voices that challenge us to
open, constructive conversation that is truly respectful, forgiving, and even
loving of others.
We may find those voices from ages past, like Saint Francis, who prayed:
Lord, make me an
instrument of your peace.
Where there is
hatred, let me bring love.
Where there is
offense, let me bring pardon.
Where there is discord, let me bring union.
We may find those voices in faraway lands, like those of
Malala Yousafzai, the young Pakistani woman shot in the head by the Taliban,
who wrote, “I don’t want revenge on the Taliban, I want education for sons and
daughters of the Taliban.”
And words on the wall of Mother Teresa’s children’s home in Calcutta remind and challenge us,
People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.
And the Dalai Lama, who cautioned,
Anger cannot be overcome by anger. If a person shows anger to you;, and you respond with anger, the result is disastrous. In contrast, if you control anger and show opposite attitudes—compassion, tolerance, and patience—then not only do you yourself remain in peace, but the other’s anger will gradually diminish.
And Pope Francis who, during a TED talk, reminded us that
Tenderness is the path of choice for the strongest, most courageous men and women. Tenderness is not weakness; it is fortitude. It is the path of solidarity, the path of humility.
And from sources so familiar we might not even think about the words as we sing them,
America! America!
God mend thine every flaw,
Confirm thy soul in self-control,
Thy liberty in law!
The late Hans Rosling, known for his entertaining,
eye-opening TED talks, made it his life’s mission to change the public
misunderstanding caused by all of the negativity. His book, “FACTFULNESS Ten
Reasons We’re Wrong About the World—and Why Things Are Better Than You Think,”
is really valuable (and uplifting!!!) reading.
We must find a way to add our voices to those speaking for positivity, kindness, and peace. The great educational innovator, John Baptist de Lasalle, once wrote, “Never speak to anyone except with kindness.” I believe we need to broaden how we consider that challenge: Never speak to anyone except with kindness; Never speak about anyone except with kindness; Never listen to anyone except with kindness; Never act toward anyone except with kindness. That doesn’t mean we won’t disagree—only that we will work “to disagree without being disagreeable”—that we will disagree with kindness in our hearts. We need to, quoting the Apostle Paul, “Speak the truth in love.” We need to remember that even those with whom we disagree are usually trying to do good things, but may just have different priorities or paths to get there. So let us all dedicate ourselves, individually and collectively, to be people of peace amidst all of the negativity of our world—to be people known by all to, “Never speak to anyone except with kindness.” And let us pray that this message and modeling will help to change our broken world.
https://kindlingwilliamclyde.blogspot.com
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