George Orwell’s classic futuristic novel, 1984 (hard to believe that 1984 was futuristic at some point, isn’t it?), warns of a world in which everyone is being watched by Big Brother—an all-powerful government with the ability to see and record everything anyone does through a vast network of electronic eyes. Many worry these days that, between all of our security cameras, webcams, vast databases used for anything from national security to marketing, the development of biometrics, and even implanted identity chips, we are moving eerily close to Orwell’s vision.
But I want to tell you
that part of that vision is already—has always been—true. You are being watched: not by Big Brother,
but by little brother and little sister, by nieces and nephews and classmates
and coworkers; by people you know well, by people you hardly know, and, thanks
to the Internet, by people you will never know. What they see is recorded—in their memories and in the
influence you have on their behavior. And it contributes irreversibly to the
evolution of our culture, our species, and our world.
No matter who you are, you are being watched all of the time. Whether you realize it or not,
· the
way you speak to people,
· your
willingness to go the extra mile to get the job done—and done right,
· how
you use your time, money and other resources,
· the extent to which you are reliable and accountable
—all of these and much more are
observed by those around you—and may be imitated by them.
In no place will this be more true than if you are lucky enough to be a parent. The extent to which your kids will model off of you is shocking, sometimes gratifying, and often embarrassing—you see things you do in a different way when your kids start doing them. The longer I live, the more I truly understand how profoundly you influence them in all you do:
•
The way you deal with your mistakes
•
The way you deal with the mistakes of others
•
The way you deal with success
•
Your commitment to service
•
Your love of learning
•
Your relationships with others
• Your relationship with God
All of these and so much more will be reflected in the eyes,
and ultimately in the character of your children.
And it’s not just your kids watching. As I’ve said, it’s
other people’s kids, friends, co-workers, people who know you well, and people
who don’t know you at all. I’m not saying every single action is being watched,
but every action may be, and you don’t get to decide which is. There are
countless examples I could offer, but consider Rosa Parks and her decision to
stay seated when ordered to stand. Did you know that three other
African-American riders followed the order that day and stood, leaving her
alone as a model to inspire a movement and a nation?
And the impact of your modeling can become infinitely deeper
and broader than the people watching you, as those people share their own
versions of your modeling with others, who share it with others—did you know
that research shows that happiness can spread up to three degrees (from the
originator to her set of friends, to their sets of friends, to their sets of
friends) in a social network (including online social networks), and that
obesity, sadness, smoking, and other behaviors are “contagious”? The power of
your modeling is truly awesome—it may be your greatest legacy, no matter what
else you accomplish in life.
A key part of being a good role model is choosing good role
models for yourself. As children, we may not think much about our role models,
blindly following those presented to us. But as adults, we have the
opportunity—and the responsibility—to choose our role models carefully—to
choose those who will challenge us to lead noble lives. It can be so easy to be
drawn into admiring—and then unconsciously modeling yourself upon—someone who
is exciting, rich, beautiful, brilliant, whatever, without really considering
whether their character, priorities, and life are things you want to mimic. If
you are a husband and truly wish to love your wife, search for someone you
think does that really well and observe him closely—or even ask to be mentored by him. If you are a wife earnestly desiring to
respect your husband, observe someone you think does that really well and ask
for her guidance. If you are a parent seeking to challenge and nurture your
children, find a family whose children you admire, and ask their parents for
their secrets. Whether as a student, an employee, a friend, spouse, or a
parent—in any role you ever find yourself—you must be very intentional about
those you honor as role models if you are, yourself, to be a worthy role model.
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